Always
by Gryffindorable
Summary: Snape tries to apologize to Lily, but gets mad. What does this mean for Lily's relationship with James, and how does it relate to her comforting James? Terrible summary. Just read it, please. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Always

Listen up, because I am going to say this once and ONLY once: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANY OF ITS WORLDS OR CHARACTERS.

Chapter One

It was a few weeks into my sixth year, just a few days of nice weather left before autumn fell upon Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the harsh winter quickly in pursuit. It was the day – _the_ day. The day I would apologize to Lily for what I had said earlier that year.

I wanted to apologize as soon as the word had slipped from my lips, but she wouldn't let me. The next day, she started avoiding me and she kept it up for the few weeks until school ended. Though we lived very close to each other, I hadn't spoken to her over the summer; she managed to always be "busy" whenever I came calling, her parents covering for her even when I could clearly see her distinctive red hair in the next room. Not even my pretend relationship with her sister, Petunia – _horrible_ mistake, by the way – was enough to draw any sort of reaction from her. The one time I saw her at the park where we spent so much of our childhood, Potter, Black, and Lupin had decided to drop by for a visit, and any of them – all of them – would be all too happy to hex me for her, illegal or not. They were her protection on the Hogwarts Express,too, and at Hogwarts.

That was the worst thing that had happened because of my stupidity: Lily's new-found friendship with the self-proclaimed "Marauders".

_It's all my fault_, I thought, walking out of the castle. _If I hadn't been so stupid, maybe I'd still have a shot._

Just then, a laugh caught my attention. I would always remember that laugh, recognize the little bubbly giggles. _Always_. I turned, and, sure enough, I caught sight of the flaming hair that would forever be seared into my memory. She was sitting on the Black Lake's little shore, holding a heavy book. Next to her sat a black haired boy who was playing with her hair.

"Stop it!" Her giggling voice drifted up to me, drawing me unconsciously towards her. "You promised to help me study."

_Maybe I still have a chance_, I thought, still walking towards her. She couldn't have been with any of the "Marauders"; none of them were smart enough to help her with anything even remotely related to academia – well, except for maybe Lupin, but he was blond – so this was my best opportunity to talk to her when no one would be there to stop me.

I ran a hand through my now-short black hair, trying to make the greasy strands appear fashionably messy.

"Why don't we go to the library? It's getting dark out here, and this is really bloody uncomfortable," she reasoned, turning to face her companion.

His response was to lift her up and drape her – squealing – across his lap, still running his fingers through that soft, luxurious... vibrant... hair... "Better?"

"Very comfortable," she agreed. "I'll have to use you as a chair more often – when you're actually _helping _me with Transfiguration."

He didn't respond, just kept stroking her hair. I was getting closer to them, about twenty feet away, when she attempted to pull her hair from his light grasp. "Do I need to chop this off, James? Because I will go shave my head his very second if you don't help me study for tomorrow's test. I have absolutely no problem with doing that."

"NO!" The boy yelled, voicing my thoughts as he flailed for her Transfiguration book. I would have screamed that, too, had she known I was listening. Lily, without her fiery locks... it was a nightmare image for me.

Then something hit me.

James... Potter. Potter. _James Potter_. She was on a first name basiswith _James Potter_? She was asking _him_ for school help? She was sitting in his_ lap_?

I'd never felt so _disgusted_ – so _betrayed_ – in my entire life.

"MUDBLOOD!"

I couldn't stop it from pouring out in my rage. She stiffened, as did Potter, wrapping his arms around her protectively. Where _my _arms should be.

"You little BITCH! You're messing around with HIM? My housemates are right – you are the most _pathetic_ excuse for a witch that has ever walked the halls of Hogwarts! You are the _stupidest_,_ ugliest_, most _worthless_ MUDBLOOD I have ever had the misfortune of seeing!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"MUDBLOOD!"

I felt Lily freeze in my arms. She stared into my eyes, disbelief and terror and... _hurt_ reflecting in hers. I stood up, taking her with me . In a trance, she pushed my arms away from her and stepped forward, standing tall as Snivel – as _Snape _continued to scream insults at her.

My heart cracked with with every single word that spewed from his worthless mouth. Then, all I felt was rage – pure, unadulterated _rage_. _How_ could he do this to her? _Again_?

She was trembling, and, before Snape had even finished speaking – or shrieking, as it was – I had my wand drawn and pointed threateningly at him and was marching towards him. "How _dare_ yo–"

"James, stop," Lily whispered, holding up a hand to reenforce her command. "He's right."

_What_? She _believed_ him? "Lils..."

" No, James, he is," she said, the blatant _honesty_ in her voice breaking my heart. How_ could _she_ believe him_? Lily turned to face Snape, who had the decency to look horrified at what he had done.

"You're right," Lily told him calmly. "Everything you said about me is true, Sev, every word of it. It's true that I'm so _stupid_ that I'd be _lucky_ to scrape a _T_ on tomorrow's Transfiguration test without James's help. It's true that I'm so _worthless_ that my own _sister_ doesn't want _anything _to do with me, and, yeah, it's true that I am _uglier_ than a _fucking weed_.And I sure as _Hell_ don't deserve to go to a school as_ magnificent_ as Hogwarts. You're right about _all_ of that, Sev, all of it. But I already knew all that."

A single tear escaped her emerald eyes. It nearly killed me. I was trying to hold mine back, too. Did she _really_ _think_ this?

"I'm broken. Congratulations, Sev, you get to see it. You didn't do this to me, though – and I know how much that must _disappoint _you. I was broken long before this – long before _you_. All you did was step on the pieces a little bit more."

With that, Lily turned and stormed off towards the castle.

"Lily," Snape called after her. "I'm s–"

My wand at his throat stopped him from saying anymore.

"_No_," I spat. "You do _not _get to _hurt_ her like that – _again –_ and then _apologize_."

A soft sob emanated from behind me. Lily had turned around when Snape had called her name. She had seen me yell at him. She met my eyes for a fraction of a second – one measly_ FRACTION _of a second_ – _before she took off running towards the castle.

"Lils," I breathed, sprinting after her. She was quick, but my legs were _much_ larger. It didn't take me long to catch up to her.

"Lily," I called, grabbing her hand. She spun around.

"Let go of me, James," she demanded, shaking with barely repressed sobs. Lily tried to pull her wrist from my grasp, but I held on tight. She stumbled and started to fall, and I more or less threw myself on the ground so she wouldn't hurt herself on the uneven, rocky ground.

Lily was in shock, I guess. Why else would she not have sprung up and run away? She was still laying on top of me when my idiot "friends" came out of the castle and saw us.

"DOGPILE ON PRONGS!" Sirius shouted, running at us. Instinctively, I rolled over so Lily was on the ground and pushed up to hold the weight on Sirius, Peter, and even _Remus_ off of her.

The impact of hitting the ground must have snapped her out of the shock she was in. She used my immobility to her advantage, wiggling out from under me and once again taking off.

"Get off me, you prats," I grunted, rolling over again, dumping them none too gently onto the ground. I don't think they even noticed – they were all too busy staring at the retreating redhead.

"James, what's wrong with Lily?" Remus asked, looking a little afraid of the answer.

"Did you hurt our Flower?" Sirius demanded, his brotherly feelings for Lils kicking in. "Because if you di –"

"Of course I didn't," I snapped. "Snape did."

My friends were looking at me like I had a second head – they new how much damage Snape had done to Lily the last time.

"Agai–?"

"Yes, again," I clarified, "but we can deal with him latter. Right now, you guys go find Alice and Marlene and tell them what's happened. I'll go make sure Lily doesn't do anything stupid."

Before they could respond, I was off, racing to the castle to find her. I found myself regretting every secret passageway I'd ever shown her, because she was _nowhere_ in sight.

_The map, idiot!_ yelled a small voice in the back of my mind.

Oh, yeah, the map. I pulled out the Marauder's Map, muttered the magic words, and searched. It was a nice day – probably the last one we would have for a while – and a Sunday, so not many people – students or teachers – were inside. It didn't take me long to find Lily's name. When I did, I froze for half a heartbeat before sprinting off, mentally calculating the fastest route.

Because Lily Evans, in her extremely upset state, was standing at the edge of the balcony of the Astronomy Tower.

* * *

So, I would have uploaded this last week, but I ran out of time and then we were on a cruise. I did manage to write a couple other stories out, but I didn't have internet access or my laptop, so I couldn't type or post them. Anyway, enough excuses.

It'll be about another week before I post the third and final chapter.

In the meantime...

Questions?

Comments?

Complaints?

Random musings?

Let me know

right

down

there

l

V

(My fail attempt at an arrow)

3,

Gryffindorable


	3. Chapter 3

Yay! I'm not dead!

Yeah, my parents banned me from doing anything on FanFiction until I got caught up on all my English crap, so, yes, I do realize that it's been a month since I updated. I've spent that time well and revised this a _lot_! I'm serious, I must have rewritten this chapter three times! UGG! And then my mom thought Lily was too needy, so I rewrote it _again_!

One review, guys? _One_? Seriously? Can't we do better than that? Why didn't you guys review? And I know you read it - I've got seven people following this right now (and four people that've favorited it, which I don't really understand. I mean, how did youguys know I didn't have Lily murder Snape _and_ James and then kill _herself_?)

Thank you, JessandDarcy. Your review made me happy, and without it, I might have _really_ made Lily commit double murder-suicide. Everyone else reading this should be thanking you, too.

Okay, enough ranting (for _now_). On with the story!

* * *

Chapter Three

_ How could he? _I thought furiously, storming into the Astronomy Tower. That _bastard_ – how _could_ he?

How could he _mess_ with me like that? Play with my _heart_? Pretend we hadn't been friends since _childhood_? _Hurt_ me?

How could he do it _again_?

Tears stung at my eyes, but I didn't bother trying to hold them back. They fell with little _splat_s against the stone railing I was clinging to, and then against the hard floor as I sunk down.

Didn't he realize what he was doing to me? That I still cared what he did?

Hell, yeah, I still cared about him – still cared _for_ him. Hell, yeah, I still remembered him – and our past. And _HELL, yes_, he still had the ability to hurt me.

Yes, it did bother me when he was dating Petunia, but not because I had any sort of – _eww_ – romantic feelings for him. It bothered me because he didn't _care _if it bothered me.

Yes, I did hide from him every time he came to my house, but not because I didn't want to talk to him. I hid because I was _afraid_ – afraid he would _insult_ me, afraid he would make me feel _sorry_ for him, afraid he would _apologize_ and I would _forget_ all about that _day_ last spring.

Yes, I had been avoiding him – especially at Hogwarts, where he had his Pure Blood friends to back him up, but not because I didn't want to confront him. It was because I didn't want anyone to see me _break_ like I just had.

And, yes, I had used the Marauders as a shield, but can you really blame me? They were all so much... _better_ than they first appeared, and I loved all of them – as friends, of course – and they loved me, too.

Beneath their hard, arrogant façades, they were just _soft_ and _kind_ and _fun-loving_, fighting the war in the only way they knew how: pranking the children of the enemy.

The first time I'd seen behind the curtain, the wall of _arrogance, _that they put up, was after _it_ happened.

}Ô{

_ I was on my way to the library that night, determined not to let anyone know how much that afternoon's events had gotten to me, ready to do some _serious _moping among the ancient, abandoned bookshelves. It was in the middle of dinner _– _an end-of-exams _feast_, no less _– _so the halls should have been empty. It should have been a nice, quiet walk along the deserted corridors, but it wasn't. Of _course _it wasn't. _Potter _showed up._

_ I swear, that hallway was empty ten seconds before. But still, there he was, suddenly appearing in the middle of the dark fifth floor corridor, stuffing something silvery into his schoolbag._

"_What do you want now?" I asked, exasperated. "Haven't you embarrassed me enough for one day?"_

"_What, aren't you happy to see me, Lilyflower, my love, my darlingdest darling?"_

_ He laughed as I gave him the one-finger salute. I rolled my eyes. "Why can't you just sod _off_, Potter, and leave me _alone_?"_

"_Why do you want me to?" His cocky, joking expression stayed in place, but his dark eyes looked almost... _serious.

"_Do you really want me to list the reasons?" I asked irritatedly, rhetorically. "Because I will. You're __–_ _as I pointed out earlier __–_ _arrogant, bullying, and a _complete _TOERAG. You manage to embarrass me on an almost _daily _basis. And –_ _oh, let me _think – _you lost me a friend today!_"

"_Lily, he wasn't your friend," Potter told me quietly, his eyes _begging _me to believe him. "He was calling you... _that _long before today _– _long before this _year_. He wasn't your friend, Lily, and you know it."_

"_Yeah, maybe I did. Maybe I knew a _long _time ago that he was a bloody _arsehole_! But maybe I wanted to deny it for a while longer. And if you _– _you _horrid _douchebag_ – _if _you _hadn't _taunted _him, maybe I'd have been able to!"_

"_A _while_? Evans, he's been saying that since _Third Year_! I've _heard _him say it!"_

"_SO?" I exploded, raising my voice for the first time __–_ _this argument, at least. _"_So what if he _did_, Potter? I _don't _CARE _– _at least I had a _friend! _At least I had _someone _who didn't _embarrass _me every day _– _who didn't _broadcast _my flaws to the world!_

"_I had someone who _cared _about me, and _liked _me, and made me _laugh_, and was always _there _for me _– _someone who I could see in my life forever! And you bastards took that away from me!_"

_ Saltwater began to flow over my eyelids and onto my cheeks. I felt blindly for the cold stone wall and sunk into the fetal position._

_ This _couldn't _be happening. I _couldn't _be _crying_. Not in front of _him_. That was the second rule of dealing with Potter: never let him see he got to you. The only thing more important the Rule One: take everything he throws at you and chuck it right back at him, twice as hard._

_ And how was I supposed to do that after _this_?_

_ He sat down next to me and tried to take my hand. I pulled it out of his reach. Leaning my head back against the wall and closing my eyes, I forced myself to take deep, calming breaths. _

"_Why are you here, Potter?" My voice was listless, apathetic, like I was just too _tired _to care about the answer. I guess I was._

"_I came to apologize for being such a total arsehole __–_ _this afternoon, especially, but also for the last five years._"

"_Apologize?"_

"_Yeah. I heard Marlene tell Alice and Mary that you were skipping dinner to go to the library and study. So I came 'cause I wanted to say I'm sorry. And because Marlene said she'd castrate me if I didn't. But mostly because I wanted to."_

_ Finding me was probably a good idea on his part __–_ _Marlene didn't _threaten_. She _promised_._

"_She said that to you?"_

"_Well, no, not exactly _to _me," James explained nervously. "It was more... I _overheard _her talking to Mary and Alice... when I was following _them _around... trying to figure out where _you _were..."_

_ So he stalked my friends so he could stalk me? Normally, I'd be screaming at him for that, but I just didn't feel like it. And, anyway, before I could respond __–_ if _I was going to respond _– _James grabbed my hand again and held on tight, refusing to let me pull away. I doubt I would have if I could._

"_Look, Lily," he started, using his free hand to turn my face towards him, "I know that __I'm not your favorite person __–_ _actually, I know that I'm probably your very _least _favorite __person _– _and I know that I have absolutely _no _right to _be _here, or _do _this" - he squeezed my __hand tighter - "or _talk _to you, or even _look _at you, but you need someone right now, Lily. And I know you won't go to your friends _– _I know you don't want them to know that today upset you __–_ _but that doesn't change the fact that you need someone. So I'm offering."_

_ Again, I didn't respond, just stared blankly into his brown __–_ _no, _hazel – _eyes. Since when did _I _care what color his eyes were?_

"_Oh, _Merlin_, Lily! Not like _that_! _No_! I didn't _– _I mean __–_ _it's not __–_ _you __–_ _I __–_ _UGGGGG! I meant that __–_ _if you need a friend __–_ _to talk to __–_ _I'll be there, Lily. I will _always _be here for you _– _in a purely platonic way._"

_ I giggled __–_ _the first reaction he'd gotten from me while we were sitting there __–_ _and wiped my eyes on my shirt sleeve._

"_Thank you, James," I said, smiling as I squeezed his hand. "That means a lot to me, and I'll remember it. Now, I don't know about you, but I am starving! Want to go to dinner?"_

_ His stomach grumbled and I took that as my answer, pushing myself up and offering him my hand. James took it and stood up. We walked, still hand in hand, to the Great Hall – well, most of the way there, anyway._

_ As we passed the library on the third floor, someone called my name. James and I stopped and turned to find Severus Snape stepping out from the shadows._

_ "Lily," he begged, "please, we need to talk."_

_ "I think you've said all you had to say, Severus," I said coolly, standing tall and holding my head high. "And, as for me, well, I'm _done_ talking to you."_

_ Pulling James with me, I spun and began to walk away, but Severus rushed ahead of us and put a hand on my shoulder, blocking me. I felt James reaching for his wand, so I put _my_ hand _his_ arm, silently telling him to stop and let me deal with this. James had already involved himself enough in this – had already _done_ enough for me. There was no need to drag him any deeper._

_ "Listen, Li – "_

_ "_No_. No, Sev, _you_ listen," I demanded, so much anger in my eyes that Severus – several __inches taller than me – cowered in fear. "We've been friends since we were, what, eight? _Seven_? I thought you _knew_ me, Sev – knew that the _one_ thing I can't _stand_ is people _taunting_ me about my blood! I thought you _knew_ that I _hate_ it when people judge me – look down on me – just because my parents are Muggles. And I thought _I_ knew _you_! I thought I knew you wouldn't _hurt_ me! I thought I knew that you'd always be _there_ for me – that I could _trust_ you! I guess you proved me wrong."_

_ I pushed past him and started to storm away, but Severus caught my arm and forced me to spin around, holding my arms so I couldn't move. Again, James moved for his wand, but I stopped him with a look._

_ "Let go of me," I demanded of Severus, struggling against his bone-crushing grip._

_ "Lily. You've got to – "_

_ "I haven't _got_ to do anything!" I needed to get out of this, but _how_? I couldn't get my wand. Crap! _Well, I guess this is gonna be nonverbal.

LEVICORPUS!_ I all but screamed in my mind._

_ Severus yelped and released me, probably from the shock of suddenly hanging upside down, feet three meters in the air. His face was level with mine. A strange calm encompassed me, like the universe was telling me I was doing the right thing, and I stared into his eyes, seeing shock and determination reflecting back at me._

_ "Leave me alone," I say softly – quietly – but with a googoplexillion times more coviction than I had when I told Pott – no, _James_ – when I told _James_ I'd rather go out with the Giant Squid than him._

_ And then... I walked away. I left Severus behind with all my now-former affections for him. I tried to leave my past, our history. I fully intended to never let him cross my mind again._

Librecorpus_, I thought as softly as I could, almost as an afterthought. He fell heavily to the stone floor, taking everything we used to be with him._

_ Wordlessly, I took James's hand again and we continued our trek to the Great Hall. Silence hung between us – not heavy or stifling, but a comfortable, unspoken understanding that we would never tell anyone what had just happened and his quiet recognition that I could fight __my own battles – until I broke it._

_ "__James? I a__sked, staring at my feet as we walked down the stairs to the second floor. "Do you think, maybe, we could... start over? You know, pretend the last five years never happened, and just be... _friends_?"_

"_I'd like that, Lils," he said softly. I looked over at him to find his eyes trained on the ground like mine had just been. A small smile spread across my face and I felt my eyes light up._

_ When we got to the Great Hall, James started to walk through the open doorway, but I froze. He turned back towards me, still holding my hand. "Lily?" he asked, concerned. "Are you okay?"_

_ I barely noticed. It seemed like every single eye in the Hall was on me. Everyone was staring __–_ _whispering __–_ _laughing __–_ _making fun of the stupid little Mudblood ginger that thought she was good enough to be here. If Sev could say those things to me – if my _best friend_ could say those things – what could – what _was_ everyone else saying?_

"_Lily," I vaguely heard James whisper in my ear. He might have put his arm around my __waist and led me down the Gryffindor table, gently forcing my feet to move to catch up with my __upper body. " Come on, you're okay. You're doing fine, Lily, just keep walking."_

_ When we reached our friends __–_ _who, for some unknown reason, were sitting together __–_ _he stopped, so I did, too._

_ The floating candles seemed a million times brighter, and the chatter, infinitely louder. James made to help me into one of the two empty places on the wooden bench, but I stopped him._

"_You're here for me, right?"_

_ Yeah, I _could_ fight for myself – and he knew it – but everyone needs a little help sometimes. And James knew that, right then, I needed to borrow some of his strength, so just he smiled kindly._

"_Always," he whispered, leaning down so he was at my __–_ _rather low __–_ _level. I leaned in and kissed his cheek before sliding into the bench, my hand never leaving his._

}Ô{

Our friends gave us Hell for that, but that was okay, because now they were _our _friends.

The Marauders were my friends. Sev wasn't anymore. So why did he bother me? Why did I let him?

I curled up in a ball against the balcony banisters, trying to stop the tears. He wasn't worth them. _I _wasn't worth them. Closing my eyes, I focused on my breathing, trying to slow my heartbeat. It was this position I was in when James burst through the door an indeterminable amount of time later. "Lily!"

"I'm fine, James," I spouted immediately, wiping under my eyes to get rid or any leftover traces of my crying.

"Lily," James said again, softly, kneeling in front of me. He leaned forward and wrapped me in his arms. "It's okay."

Maybe it _was_ okay. So I did it. I let everything out, right there on James's shoulder.

"_Shh_, Lily, it's alright," he whispered against my hair, pulling me into his lap. "It's okay, Lily, I'm here for you. Right here."

"Why?" I asked through my sobs, pulling back so I could see his face. It looked like he had been crying, too. "Why are you here, James, when everything he said was true?"

"Oh, Lils," he sighed, brushing my hair back behind my ear. "You didn't actually _believe_ him, did you?"

"Of course I did, James. Why wouldn't I? He was right about everything."

"Lily, you need to look in the mirror."

"I have, James, and all I see is the _pathetic_ little _idiot_ _ginger _who – by some _cosmic FLUKE _– was born a witch and accepted into Hogwarts. The girl I see is so _ugly_ and _useless_ that no one cares about her – and if anyone _does_," I added quickly, seeing James about to protest, "they _really_ shouldn't. _You_ really shouldn't."

"You _really_ need to polish your mirror, then, Lils, because all _I_ can see is the _friendliest_, _kindest_, most _loving_, most _beautiful_ redhead I've ever seen, let alone had the _immense_ pleasure of actually _knowing_. I see the _smartest_ witch in the _history_ of Hogwarts, the most _loyal_ and _caring_ person in Gryffindor, the most _amazing_ and _helpful_ girl in the world – Wizarding _or_ Muggle. I see the one and only, impeccably perfect _Lily_ _Evans_."

Just like all those months before, I didn't react, just snuffled. This time, though, it was because of shock, not tired apathy. James _really_ saw _me_ like that? No. He _couldn't_ be telling the truth... _could_ he?

"_Merlin_, Lily, why do you think I started asking you out all the time? Yeah, it might have _started_ to make fun of you – and for that, I am _eternally_ sorry – and then it turned into a challenge – a matter of pride, getting the _one_ girl that hated me more than _anything_ to go out with me. But then I realized how amazing, how perfect, how beautifully _real_ you are, and I fell in love with you. My attempts became real, and when your perception of me didn't change, Lily, I had the misguided notion that if only I did it bigger – _grander_ – more often, you'd change your mind.

"I still feel _awful_ about last spring, Lily, but I think today proved that what happened was for the best. And I got to be friends with you. It wasn't _exactly_ what I wanted, but I was willing to take it – and I still am."

"James," I started, but quickly realized that I didn't have an end for that sentence.

"Lily, I'm _not_ asking you out," he assured me (even though, at this point, I was _sorta_ wishing he was), ruffling his thick black hair with one hand while still holding me close with the other. "I guess I'm just trying to say the same thing I did last year – whenever Snape, or someone like him, or _anyone_ does _anything_ like that, I want you to remember that I'll be right here. I'll be here to remind you just how amazingly _precious_ you are to me – and to the rest of the world – even if I _am_ stuck in the Friend Zone," he finished with a crooked little half smile.

James leaned forward to kiss my forehead – a perfectly acceptable thing for a (_hopefully_, not for long) best guy friend (or any best friend, really) to do – and then he whispered against my skin.

"I will _always_ be here for you, Lily."

}Ô{

This is what I'm thinking about as James and I once again find ourselves on the Astronomy Tower balcony, our positions reversed.

"James," I whisper yet again, watching sadly as my boyfriend rocks himself back and forth in his little ball, sobbing. Every time I try to move towards him, to lean forward and _comfort_ him, he moves back, further away from me, a wild fear in his eyes.

Eventually, he pushes himself so far back he hits the little wall of banisters that encloses the balcony. He can't move back anymore, so I move forward, smoothing down his dark hair. I pull gently on his shoulder. There's no way I could actually _force_ James to move – I'm too weak and he's too strong – but I _can_... _suggest_ he does. And James does, leaning in so his head is on my shoulder.

I wrap my arms around him the best I can. "Oh, James, _shh_. _Shh_, James, _shh_," I whisper in his ear. I _can't_ tell him it'll be okay – I _won't_. I won't lie to him.

We aren't in our uniforms, just our everyday clothes. We're supposed to be in Hogsmeade, celebrating Gryffindor's victory over Hufflepuff for the Quidditch Cup. James is Captain – he's _supposed_ to be celebrating harder than anyone. But he isn't. He's mourning.

"They weren't on duty, Lily," he sobs into my neck, "they weren't _even ON DUTY_!"

"I know, James, I know," I murmur, stroking his hair.

"It's _all_ my fault. They came to see me, Lily, _me_. It's _my_ fault my parents are dead."

"No, honey, _no_," I assure him soothingly, rubbing his back gently. "It's _Voldemort's_ fault, and his _damn_ Death Eaters', not yours – _never_ yours."

"But they came to see _me_ play. They were waiting for _me_ in Hogsmeade. If it weren't for _me_, _they_ wouldn't have been there – they wouldn't be _gone_."

"James, honey, you know that if they hadn't been there, so, _so_ many more people would be gone. You know they wouldn't have regretted it, James. They died _fighting_, James, _saving_ people, _battling the enemy_, just like they would have on any Auror mission. This was there unassigned mission, James, and they were more than willing to accept it."

James pulls away from me enough so that he can look into my eyes. "Really?"

"Really, James. They were trying to make the world a better place, honey. Between them, they must have taken out _ten_, maybe _fifteen_ Death Eaters. They were making the world _safer_, James, for _you_, and for _Janie_."

Janie is James's little sister. I met her at the Quidditch game this morning. She seems really sweet. Janie survived the attack – she'd gone into Honeydukes ahead of her parents a few seconds before _it_ started. She'd been watching through the window, probably too mortified to move, when someone blasted off a curse that shattered the window and sent Janie flying back. She crashed into the wall and some shelves fell on her.

This is what Alice and Marlene, who were also in Honeydukes when the attack started, told me. They had dug Janie out from under the rubble, and, as soon as the coast was relatively clear, Alice had come running back to the castle holding the unconscious Janie while Marlene stayed behind to help with the other casualties. Alice had been the one to tell Dumbledore about the attack. He immediately sent for help, and the majority of the victims were able to be saved. The Potters weren't.

"Janie..."James whispers.

"She's going to be okay, James. Janie's asleep in the Hospital Wing right now. Madam Pomfrey's taking good care of her, and Alice and Remus and Peter are looking after her. She's going to need _you_, though, James. I'll always be here for you, honey, but, right now, _you_ need to be there for Janie. _You_ need to let her know that life goes on."

"But, Lily, what happens now?" he asks, sniffing, trying not to cry.

"Now, James, _now_ we go downstairs and we sit with Janie, and we plan your parents' funeral, and then we come back to school, James. And we work hard, just like your parents would have wanted you to. And then you and Janie and Sirius come and stay with me for the summer, and _all_ of us come back here in the fall, and we _study_ and we _learn_ and we _graduate_. And then we fight Voldemort, James, and we just _live our lives_."

"We?"

"I'm here for you, honey, always," I remind him, taking his hand. "Now, come on, let's go see Janie."

I tug him up and lead him to the Hospital Wing. Remus and Peter, and Alice and her boyfriend, Frank, and even Sirius and Marlene are there, crowded around Janie's bed, almost asleep.

"Hey," I whisper, nudging Remus, whose eyes are fluttering closed even as he stands. He jumps awake. "We'll take it from here. You take everyone else to go get some dinner."

Remus nods, and we start tapping our friends, waking them up. They all leave groggily to go get food, leaving James, Janie, and me. He settles in the one chair by her bed, and I sit on its arm, still holding his hand.

About an hour later, James has just drifted off to sleep when Janie wakes up. I don't wake him. He needs a few hours of escape from this.

"Hey, Janie," I whisper as soothingly as I can, moving to sit on the edge of her bed.

"Lily?" Janie asks, rubbing her eyes. "Where am I?"

"You're at Hogwarts, in the Hospital Wing," I tell her. "James is right over there."

"Where are Mum and Daddy? Are they sleeping?"

"Well, Janie," I begin, not knowing what to say, "there's something you need to know..."

I'm the one that tells my boyfriend's ten-year-old sister that she's an orphan. I'm the one that holds her while she cries, and, when her sobs wake James, I hold him, too. I make the funeral arrangements, and I make sure James and Janie eat and sleep, and Marlene does the same for Sirius, and so do Remus and Peter and Alice. We take care of our family.

Because we are all they have here.

}Ô{

A week has passed, and I've hardly let James out of my sight, and vice versa. That really doesn't mean much, though, considering we've been spending almost every waking moment eating, in class, or by Janie's bed in the Hospital Wing.

Now, we're all dressed completely in black, standing in the Godric's Hallow cemetery. James is clutching my left hand while my right arm is wrapped around Janie's shoulder. Marlene, Sirius, and Remus are next to us, and Alice and Frank and Peter are crying softly in the front row. We're standing in front of an open casket. The serene faces of Jane and Harold Potter smile softly back up at us.

Slowly, I conjure a rose – Gryffindor crimson – that will never wilt and put it in Janie's hand. She looks up at me, startled. I just smile softly and put James's hand on the flower, too.

I guide their hands until the rose is placed in the forever-entwined hands of their parents. Even after Remus goes back to take his seat in the front row next to Alice, Frank, and Peter, we stay there, watching as the lid covers Mr. and Mrs. Potter's faces and they are lowered into the ground. Janie turns and presses her face into my dress and cries, but James stands there stoically. There are tears in his eyes, though – that much I know. Tears he's too afraid to shed.

So, as I stroke Janie's curly red hair, I squeeze his hand, reminding him that I'm here for him – for _them_.

_Always_.

* * *

Now, what do we say, class?

_Thank you, JessandDarcy!_

Anyway, yeah, I know. It's a _lot_ longer than the first two chapters. And you guys only have yourseves to blame for James's parents dying. I _was_ just gonna make Gryffindor loose a Quidditch game to Hufflepuff - which, okay, would _never_ happen (not that I have anything against Hufflepuff - I just have a this totally _awesome_ friend that I call Hufflepufflin' and she and I have arguments on wheather Gryffindor or Hufflepuff is better on a regular basis, and I _love_ to bug her! You guys shpuld go check her out. Her FanFic name is HangingForest and she's written for Harry Potter and Hey Arnold. She has a collection of ten Draco pairings inspired by music that you guys would probably find interesting. I did, and I refuse to ship most of the pairings she chose - but I _do_ call the credit on inspiring the Dreville and Drale ones!)

Anyway, enough advertising HangingForest. As I was saying...

Your lack of reviews is solely responsible for the deaths of Jane and Harold Potter. Seriously, guys, REVIEW! Even if it's just a smiley face. Smilelies make me smilely, and that makes me _much_ less likely to kill off your favorite characters. Honestly, if it weren't for JessandDarcy, I would have seriously considered making Lily commit double murder-suicide.

Anyway, I'm done ranting. Send me smilies and check out my other stories!

3 (one of these days, my attempt at a heart will actually work)

Gryffindorable


End file.
